To whom it may concern:

Ok. so I am going to send my 'lovely' neighbors a singing telegraph--preferably delived by a california raisin with a brooklyn accent, and this is what it will say.

To whom it may concern:

It has come to my attention that maybe you misplaced your copy of "Living in a twin home: a guidebook, general rules, etiquette and such." If this is the case, let me highlight some of the more important items in it:

1. Vacuuming after 10 pm is not generally acceptable. Vacuuming times are appropriate between the hours of 7 am- until 10 pm.. this gives you plenty of time to suck up those nasty dust bunnies.

2. It really is not neccessary to play the song War by Low Rider every night at 10:26 pm, I promise. If it is part of some video game...turn it down.

3. If you know that there is not a complete wall in the basement between the two houses (and you do) then please do not fill our house with incense. Please use incense where all walls are fully intact. I am a little tired of incense induced migraines.

4. Your children should not be running around like crazy animals at all times of the day and NIGHT. Remember if you can hear us WALKING around our house, we can hear the stampedes going on at your house.

5. I do not like Mariah Carey, just as I am sure you do not like my punk rock music mixed in with my broadway showtunes. I make sure that it is not heard through out the entire house, can you turn it down a notch, I am tired of not being able to hear what going on on card sharks.

6.IF you insist on having like wars at your house all the time, will you make sure that htey dont spill out into the streets. Waking up to the sounds of sirens and flashing blue and red lights is enough to give you a heart attack.

7. Lastly, if the religious people come to your door remember it is good etiquette to tell them that we are not home, nor are we interested, and htey don't need to leave a pamphlet. I do it for you all the time when the missionaries stop over.

I hope you soon happen upon your handbook.

The Neighbors